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Sex after childbirth

When you are ready, no sooner

There is no fixed timetable for getting back to sex after having a baby. Some couples feel ready within weeks; others not for many months. Both are normal. What matters is that the time is right for you, physically and emotionally.

This page covers what to expect, what helps, and when to seek further support if things are not feeling right.

When is the right time?

There is no medical “rule,” but most women find that:

  • Bleeding has stopped (usually by 3 to 6 weeks).
  • Stitches have healed (usually by 2 to 6 weeks for first- or second-degree tears; longer for third- or fourth-degree).
  • Pain or discomfort has settled.
  • They feel emotionally ready and want to.

Many couples wait until after the 6-week postnatal check. Others are ready earlier or later. Both partners need to feel ready; one ready partner and one reluctant partner is a recipe for hurt feelings on both sides.

The most important factor is your own readiness. There is no rush.

What to expect

Physically

  • Dryness. Especially common if breastfeeding, due to low oestrogen. Use a good lubricant.
  • Sensitivity. Scar tissue from stitches may be tender initially. This usually softens over weeks and months.
  • Tightness or discomfort. Common in the first few times. Take it slowly. Foreplay matters more than ever.
  • Reduced sensation. Some women notice changes in sensation, particularly during the first few months. This usually improves.
  • Tiredness. A real factor. Sleep, time and patience help.
  • Contraception. You can become pregnant before your periods return. Use contraception. See “A Guide to Contraception” for options.

Emotionally

  • A different sense of your body. A body that has just given birth feels different. Time and gentleness are needed.
  • Feeling “touched out.” Common when you are spending all day with a baby on or against you. You may want less touch in the evening, not more.
  • Changes in libido. Often dipped in the early months. Often returns by 6 to 12 months.
  • Mismatch with your partner. Both partners may have different timelines. Talk openly. Affection without expectation builds intimacy.
  • Lingering after-effects. A difficult birth, a traumatic experience, or unresolved physical pain can affect sexual confidence. Counselling can help. So can time.

What helps

  • Take it slowly. Build up from cuddles, kissing, and non-sexual touch. There is no rush.
  • Use lubricant. A water-based lubricant makes a real difference, particularly while breastfeeding. Not optional, not a sign of anything; just helpful.
  • Try different positions. Side-lying, on top, or anything that gives you control over depth and pace, often feels better in the early months.
  • Empty your bladder beforehand. Reduces discomfort.
  • Empty pelvic floor tension. Pelvic floor exercises help with strength, but learning to relax the pelvic floor matters too.
  • Communicate. Tell your partner what feels good and what doesn’t. Honest conversation builds trust.
  • Be kind to yourself. This is one of many life transitions. Sex after a baby is not the same as sex before a baby; for many couples, it eventually becomes something better, not worse.

Speak to your GP, physiotherapist or counsellor if

  • Sex has been painful for several months, despite gentle reintroduction and lubricant.
  • You have scar tissue that hurts when touched, or a specific painful spot.
  • You have lost sensation and are bothered by it.
  • You feel anxious, panicky, or upset in the lead-up to or during sex.
  • The birth itself is something you keep thinking about, in a distressing way (sometimes called birth trauma).
  • You and your partner are stuck with very different views on resuming sex, and it is affecting your relationship.

Your GP can refer you to the postnatal physiotherapy service, a specialist clinic, or a counsellor as appropriate.